Bishop Doug
Perhaps I should’ve been behaving myself better, perhaps I should’ve treated my wife a little better…needless to say I was in my truck driving south 90 mph to the Santana concert in Albuquerque. At the time I felt I was in the right and gave myself a thousand excuses of why I should feel no guilt. The drive itself was peaceful as the sun set over the New Mexican landscape, the smooth summer dusk air blowing in the window and hardly any traffic on the highway, until I reached the exit for the concert. Santana and his band sounded amazing but I was missing someone. Though I had my heals dug in and was giving myself all the reason for why I was right, the loneliness among 15,000 people was glaring.
After the show, I headed north for about an hour until I arrived in Santa Fe. I quickly found a comfortable parking spot at the local Wal-Mart and fell asleep in my truck. My plan was to spend the following day in Santa Fe. Maybe I would find the local Buddhist temple, maybe I would find some good food and take pictures of some churches. Then, I remembered about the Loretto Chapel and knew this is where I wanted to start my Sunday. A great church with an amazing story. I don’t recall the first and only time I was previously there because I was so young. To this point I had to depend on my Mom to tell me about my visit to the chapel.
Loretto Chapel
It’s an elegant, quaint chapel sitting right in the heart of Old Town Santa Fe. Built in the 1870’s the architect of this church died half way through the build. As construction forged on and nearing completion it was found out the architect never included a staircase to the choir loft. Any ordinary staircase would be too large for this cozy chapel, it would require the removal of already limited pews. Another option would be a ladder to the choir loft. However, the nuns did not feel comfortable with the thought of climbing a ladder with the long habits that they wore.
After talking with many carpenters, the Sisters of Loretto felt they were running out of options. They entered 9 days of prayer, a novena, a time to pray to St. Joseph asking for intercession. On the 9th day a carpenter showed up with a few primitive tools looking for work. He offered to build the staircase but said he must be left in the chapel by himself while he did his work. A couple of tools were seen like a hammer, a square and a trough of water. He worked in the chapel for a few months building what soon would be known as the miraculous staircase. When his work was done he left with no one knowing and with out collecting payment for his work.
The spiral staircase that he left rising 20 feet to the above choir loft was nothing short of amazing, surely the spirit of heaven had come down and touched the soul of this church. The Sisters of Loretto believe St. Joseph, who was a master carpenter, who was married to Mary the mother of Jesus who was a carpenter, came from the heavens to build this beautiful staircase. With no center support, no side support and without the use of nails the spiral staircase makes 2 full turns to reach the choir loft. Even in today's standards with the technology and tools we have this staircase would be quite a feat to build. The staircase was left with no banister, testing the nerves of the nuns as they climbed the staircase. About 10 years after the original build a banister was added.
The Miraculous Staircase
The staircase is why I came. I really wanted to see if I could feel the presence of god coming from the staircase. It happened to be that a church service was getting ready to start as I showed up. An independent catholic church service hosted by The Church of Antioch at Santa Fe. This Sunday, the Santa Fe Brass Quintet was set up in the pews playing their horns during the 15 minute meditation preceding the service. The sounds of the horns filling the cathedral ceilings was as if the the heavens were gently blowing the beautiful music down for us to enjoy. I was there to learn, I wanted to explore the moment that humanity touched us, the moment of clarity as it happened to me. I quickly realized I ended up at this church service not just to see the staircase but to open my heart to this service.
As service started, I did recognize that it had catholic tradition to it. But I also knew in a traditional catholic church we wouldn’t have a female priest hosting service next to a male priest. I also knew that in a traditional catholic church that the male priest would not be married, especially to the lady priest hosting service with him. I did know the service would have a liberal touch as I approached the chapel earlier that morning. The gay flag that was posted out front with signs saying “all is welcomed” gave the chapel a progressive touch. Throughout service, I recognized traditions that you would see more in other religions or spiritual practices. The 3 om’s the congregation chanted gave service the feel of Buddhism and Hinduism. As Bishop Doug walked the aisles cleansing the area with a large feather I had memories of a shaman cleansing my energies while burning sage. The message of the service was clear, All is welcome and everything is love. Nothing in the message said you have to do this or you will go to hell. They didn’t pass out any rules and never once did they exclude anyone.
The Santa Fe Quintet
As service ended, my thoughts returned to my wife. I need to go home and apologize. I had done her wrong and it was time for her to hear that I knew I wronged her. For some reason a very special lady was placed in my life. To my best efforts of trying to screw it up she never has let me. She’s a person that allows me to be imperfect and because of that lets me grow as a person. Because of her treating me this way it teaches me how to treat others this way. The many lessons and amount of growth one goes through by simply opening ones heart, simply allowing one to be vulnerable, by simply not trying to control an outcome but by trusting an outcome. This honest interaction with another human being is humanity, it’s growth of the human soul.
Two weeks after I attended The Church of Antioch of Santa Fe’s service, was going to be the last service they held at the Loretto Chapel. The Loretto Chapel is a private venue mostly used for weddings and private parties. The Church of Antioch of Santa Fe has been renting space in this chapel every Sunday for the past 25 years. With the rising rent the church needed to decide if they would continue paying the rising rent or if they would look for a change. Being an independent catholic church means they have no connection to the Vatican and do not receive any funding.
I could tell this is a bitter sweet moment in the history of their church. To be leaving such beautiful church with such divine history must sadden ones heart. At the same time, when one doesn’t try to control one’s outcome, when one allows oneself to be vulnerable, truth comes, transformation comes which allows for spiritual growth. Walking into the unknown, starting a new chapter in one’s life can be the most exciting time of one’s life. I can see in them that they know their love is going to bring them to great places even if these places are unknown.
I’m going back to Santa Fe for the last service and I’m bringing my family with me. Bishop Doug accepted my request to photograph the last service. He also offered to do an interview proceeding the service. So we’re loading up the van with the 3 kids and I’m going to do the 6 hour road trip once again. I’m excited for the family to see this church and to be part of this service.
I met Bishop Doug briefly before service. Though this was a short conversation it was profound and very honest. I let him know that I’m in search of the moment of clarity that seems to happen in ones life when change is on it’s way. Bishop Doug referred to this as his “mystical experience”. About 24 years ago he was living in Monterey. He was a successful artist and living the life of a successful artist. Being a tall, handsome, single man he had plenty of opportunity to indulge. I’m not sure if it reached the point of lust or gluttony but it was clear that at this point in his life these mystical experiences that started to happen opened his eyes and his heart to a new way of living. Our conversation came to an end as service was getting close. We would continue or conversation at another time for we both needed to get ready for service. He, along with Mother Jenni, would be hosting service and I would be photographing the service.
As I entered the chapel a gentlemen was singing a song that would touch the heart of a lost soul and give them a hug directly from the heavens. If there was any sadness in the congregation with regards to this being the last service at the Loretto Chapel I did not feel it. The chapel was filled with love. Mother Jenni and Bishop Doug started service. As Bishop Doug told me later, He and Mother Jenni feel they are both half priest and put together they make one whole priest. This is how service goes. You absolutely feel the connection they have together, the love they have for one another and the love that they have together for the church and the people in the church. As I said before, the sermon is about love. How can we bring love into difficult situations? How can we bring love into our daily life? At one point during service everyone gets up and gives one another a hug and says “may peace be with you”, don’t try to sit this out because they will come get you. They stand and hold hands while singing the lords prayer. It becomes clear there is no need to complicate what this church is about. It’s very simple, it’s about love, Jesus is love therefore we are love.
I went home wondering what will happen to the church now it’s not at the Loretto Chapel. Were people attending service because of the chapel or were they attending the chapel because of the service? A service that gives Catholics a liberal alternative. A catholic service gay people can attend and be part of, a catholic service that there is no judgement, a catholic service where women can be ordained priest and be married. There is no shame and there is no guilt for who you are. It’s a catholic service that only wants to talk about the love of Jesus and the love within ourselves.
My next conversation with Bishop Doug came the day after their first service at the new location. Of course my first question was how service went. Bishop Doug could not contain his enthusiasm. “Service was great!” he replied. He felt the turn out was great, he felt the connection was strong, he felt there was nothing distracting their very simple message. He felt the missing stress of having to hurry out of the Loretto Chapel at the end of service so the museum could open allowed the congregation to hang out after service and enjoy that time together. Bishop Doug is very optimistic about the future of the church. He would like to see the church construct it’s own building. This would allow them not only to be a church, this would allow them to open their doors to others who are looking for other things than what is in the mainstream.
Before moving to Santa Fe Bishop Doug and Mother Jenni attended an episcopal church. They enjoyed the liberal views that the episcopal church offered compared to many other christian churches. However the Nicene Creed still had Bishop Doug stuck. The thought of someone saying you have to do this or you don’t belong started to bother Bishop Doug. “We believe in one god, the father almighty, maker of all things visible and invisible…” This beginning to the Nicene creed is too all or nothing for Bishop Doug. When work brought Doug and Jenni to Santa Fe they decided they wanted more than what the Episcopal church was offering them. Doug wanted to find a non credence church. Doug did a google search “sacramental progressive church” and that is how they found The Church of Antioch.
Both Doug and Jenni were blown away when they attended their first service at The Church of Antioch. This was everything they had been looking for, it was liberal, it was progressive and the liturgy was language in ways that honored their expansive view. One of the ways Doug and Jenni saw christ is to use the word cosmic christ. Cosmic christ is the source of gods love through all people, through all religions at all times. Cosmic christ represents gods efforts to work within the context of humanity throughout all religions and throughout all cultures. This is what Doug and Jenni found when they attended The Church of Antioch. Doug reflects “we both literally wept during the service because we had found a place that felt like home.”
Doug and Jenni both have felt called to become priest or ministers but could not make the commitment in the episcopal church because there were things that did not fit for them. But in this church everything fit perfectly. Within the first month and a half of their first service they both made the commitment to enroll in seminary and begin the path toward priesthood. Both Doug and Jenni, as a married couple, were ordained into priesthood on the same day in 2010. It’s an amazing thought, a husband and wife to be ordained together as catholic priest.
Being married, being priest together, one being one half of the priest and the other being the other half of the priest does not bar them from typical marriage issues. They do consider their marriage a sacred marriage. However, this doesn't mean Bishop Doug and Mother Jenni don’t have their differences and it doesn’t mean they don’t have disagreements. What they do with these challenges is to hold them into their spiritual path. What this means is when these challenges arise it points to work they both need to do on their spiritual path. They are both committed to doing this because in the words of Bishop Doug “The spiritual path is learning how to love.”
What started 12 years before their priesthood ordinations with mystical experiences Bishop Doug started to have, with Mother Jenni appearing in his life around this, they have made this spiritual journey of love. It’s very simple, in Jesus they want to see love, in conflict they want to see the path to love and in the sacraments they want to see love. In baptism the Roman church believes you are born in sin and that you need to be baptized to cleanse you of the sin. When Bishop Doug baptizes a baby he does not do so for the remission of sin, because babies don’t have any sin, he does so to awaken the Christ consciousness in the baby. This consciousness is their own internal capacity to discover their ability to love in the world. This all goes back to the one rule The Church of Antioch has, the rule of love “find love in all.”
So, after two trips to Santa Fe, two church services at The Church of Antioch, an amend to my wife and a very long discussion with Bishop Doug I arrive to the point of why I started this journey. An exploration of one’s moment of clarity, ones mystical experience of when we feel a force outside ourselves alter the path of our spiritual journey. The moment we find purpose in our life. “At some point in ones life their is the death of innocence” Bishop Doug said. “The shattering of the ideal of what we thought life was suppose to be.” At what point to do we come to terms with this and find our spiritual path. When we do reach this moment of clarity, this mystical experience as Bishop Doug calls it, perhaps this is the moment we trust outside ourselves, perhaps this is the moment we love outside ourselves.
I had two final questions for Bishop Doug. The first one was a two part question…”When was the last time you looked at the stars?” “I do almost every night” Bishop Doug replied…”Are we alone?” I followed up with. “No” Bishop Doug answered. “There is no space anywhere that does not contain life. The question is can we perceive it.” My final question was “Who built the staircase at the Loretto Chapel?” Bishop Doug chuckled…”For the Nuns it was clearly St. Joseph. To others, it was a master carpenter.” He continued, “In the end it’s a mystery and that’s the thing that is most important. There are some things that we can never give a full explanation or meaning for, it’s just a mystery. Part of what makes this amazing life so interesting is we can live into life as a mystery, we can live into every moment as a mystery from the perspective of really not knowing. From this place of mystery we are open to the possibility.”
